Monday…December 1st, 2014
Here I go. I can´t believe that this will be my last email that I will send to you as a full time missionary of the Lord!
SPAIN HAS BEEN OH SO GOOD TO ME
My eyes get all teary and I get a lump in my throat as I try and type this last email to my family and friends whom I love so dearly. I hope that I am able to express what I feel.
I came across the best scripture that fits what these past 18 months have meant to me
"And this is the account of HERMANA NYDEGGER and her companions, their journeyings in the land of Spain, their sufferings in the land, their sorrows, their affflictions, and theirINCOMPREHENSIBLE JOY...and the safety of the brethren. And now may the Lord, the Redeemer of all men, bless their souls forever."
It sounds so cliche but it is truly in essence what I feel that this mission has been! It has been hard. Missions are hard! And it almost doesn´t make sense how incredible it is. The people of Spain will have a spot in my heart that will never be filled by anyone else! I am completely and totally overcome with gratitude and humbleness when I think of this mission and what our Heavenly Father has done for and through me. It has been EVERYTHING to me and I feel so sad that it will be coming to an end soon. I have often thought that the biggest secret the church may have is how hard missions are and how amazing they are. One who loses himself will indeed find himself and BECOME.. something that happens little by little through meaningful prayer and scripture study, and from doing.
I came out on a mission set to change other people's lives but ultimately it was mine that changed
Taking that leap of faith and deciding to serve was the best decision I have made thus far.
I have SUCH a testimony of this work. It is called 'work' for a reason!
I saw the lowest of lows and highest of highs
Cried 'til I laughed
Laughed 'til I cried
Sprinted way to many times in a skirt
worked with amazing elders and sisters
witnessed people with the hardest lives manifest the most beautiful faith
ate some of the scariest food ever
felt closer to my family than ever before
saw and felt the Lord´s hand in His work
gained an unfailing testimony
made lifelong relationships in a foreign country
learned how to really pray
prayed harder than I ever have before
felt more love for people than ever before
Was stretched past my limits
Came to know of the reality of Jesus Christ my savior
and came closer to my Heavenly Father than ever before
I have felt like I have been put through the refiner´s fire, but that is how it is SUPPOSED to be and I wouldn´t have it any other way! It is so weird thinking about how much I have felt that I have grown and changed on a mission!
The Lord has been so good. He works with His missionaries. He sends prepared people to prepared missionaries.
One of the major themes of my mission has been FEAR NOT. In the scriptures it tells us to FEAR NOT over 650 times! I started out feeling pretty inadequate. I left the MTC thinking that I spoke the language decently well. Well that was a huge wake-up call when I realized how little I knew! Little by little with diligent study, prayer, and faith I was able to overcome that. I thought that life would be a breeze if once I learned the language. I quickly learned that it actually was not at all! Ultimately I learned what it IS the represent Christ, do things His way not mine, be 100% worthy of the spirit, and ultimately FEAR NOT MAN including myself
I would like to share a story with you all about Julia.
A few months ago we were really working hard with J. to get her off of her lifetime additction of tobacco. J. about 6 months ago moved into this tiny hostel room. From talking to the owner, when she first moved in the walls were completely white. She lived there and her sister and son would hang out with her in the little room all day. Between the 3 of them they would smoke 50 cigarrettes in an hours time. Little by little over the course of 6 months, they walls ultimately turned completely yellow from all of the smoke. Almost brown. The smell was atrocious. Everytime anyone walked in, you felt like you could die. The spirit was not there. It was a very dark room. I felt so sad for her everytime I walked in thinking about how her life has come to this low living. We were determined to change it and so was she. So one night we went over to her room with Justino our ward mission leader (he is the most amazing person ever) Gave her a blessing. The Spirit was present - it felt like fire. Afterwards we got to work spraying and scrubbing the walls. Which is quite the process. It is the expensive product that you spray all over the wall and is used to remove the tobacco which is so deeply soaked into the wall. We had to rinse out the rags SO many times and every time we would wipe it and it would look clean and then we would spray it again and more yellow liquid would just ooze out again again and again. After 3 hours of long hard scrubbing the walls became white. We could physically feel the room being filled with the spirit as the walls got whiter.
While we worked we had J. sit down and write down all of the reasons why she wants to quit smoking. At one point she came back into the room to see how it was going. She ended up staying in the room and watched us in humble silence. She then grabbed the Book of Mormon, sat on her bed, put on her glasses, and began to read. She then left the room, we continued working, and we realized what had just taken place. We as missionaries teach our investigators all they need to know so that they can become clean physically and spiritually. And with all of the seen and unseen efforts of everything that takes place in this work, nothing can happen unless they do their part. They can´t just listen to us they have to use the atonement to make them clean. And how do we feel the power of the atonement in our life? We have meaningful prayer everyday, we read the scriputres, and we attend our church meetings. Simple as that! J. was doing her part at that moment as she sat on her bed and read the Book of Mormon. She personally was changing and the color of her walls were changing.
Everytime I think back to what happened that one Saturday night I can only picture the room being filled with the Lord and His ANGELS. I know we were not the only ones present in that room and that J. felt the perfect love our her savior and the eternal affects of the atonement. The spirit was so strong and so clear and so real. The darkest room and life I had ever known became the lightest room and lightest life I had known.
That night I felt so tired and physically DONE. I felt the spirit so strong and physically and mentally and spiritually saw a change in J. And that was only the start! As I was scrubbing those walls with all of my might and looked down at J. reading I couldn´t help but think and feel of the atonement of my Savior. As missionaries we represent Christ. And it is not easy! It is hard. I know that it is the smallest form of an analogy but I realized more fully how hard the atonement was for Christ and how he must have felt. Walking home that night I just internalized what had happened and just thought, how would the world be if everyone had the faith of little J. to completely and on full blast let the atonement work in their lives. She lived in the lowest of lows and Christ brought her to her highest of highs.
Thinking back to allllll of the things I have heard, felt, and believed these past 18 months, one of the most precious truths I have come to know is the reality of our older brother and redeemer Christ. I can now say with all of my heart that I KNOW Him and I know what it means to represent Him. I know Him. And I KNOW that He lives and I know that He steps with us every single step of the way. I know that He did truly suffer for me and for each and everyone of us. I have felt that my words may never be sufficient to share the beauty the message deserves. It is only through Him that we can change. It is through Him that I have changed and grown so rapidly over these past 18 months and it is through Him that I will keep changing for the rest of my life until I am perfect like Him! Everyone can change. And we can changenow. Christ offers us WHITE pages to start over every second of our lives. He invites ALL to come unto Him. To forgive and forget! And to follow Him and be protected. That is the beauty of this message. We HAVE a very real Father in Heaven who loves us and cheers us on, cries with us when we are sad, and rejoices with us when we are happy! He sent His Son to die for us and it is only through Him that we can return to God again.
Another enternal truth I have come to realize is that Joseph Smith DID IN FACT see God the Father and His Son.
I LOVE this gospel. I love it more than any other thing. It makes so much sense to me. I love my life. I love being a missionary of the Lord. I pray so hard that God will grant me to never forget how I have felt here in Spain.
MORE HAPPINESS AWAITS you than you have ever experienced as you labor among His Children
The Lord has been so good for me and I know that He knows everything I feel and that He is preparing a life for me. I am sad to leave. I am sad to leave a place that I have given my whole heart and soul to! But all I can do is get on my knees and offer the most sincere prayer of my heart and give thanks for this opportunity my God has given me.
I thank you all so much from the deepness of my heart for all of your honest and faithful prayers. Thank you for your words and all you have done for me. I will never be able to thank you enough! I am so happy and I know I couldn´t have done it without the most incredible family and PARENTS who taught me and eventually prepared me for this journey of a lifetime. I can´t wait to give you all a real hug and give thanks for the Lord for the good He does.
I will be seeing you all soon!
OS QUIERO
Hermana Nydegger
